A Peculiar Thirst ; October 13, 2008

Mood: contemplative
Listening to: Hillsong United
Reading: Out of the Silent Planet

It's fall break. I've been spoiled by this lovely, school-free week, ever since I came to my school in 4th grade. With the empty days comes time to simply relax a bit. Yes, it is the middle of the October of my senior year, which means I am approaching the days when I will have to make important decisions about my life after high school. But this weekend I've been able to enjoy moments of rest.

However, I've been noticing something strange.

Whenever I have free time like this, there are certain things I particularly enjoy doing. For example: I wrote a song and have been working on it in GarageBand. I made some progress in outlining one of my novels. I'm working on catching up in my scrapbook/diary.

But I feel that all of these little pleasures are sort of distracting me from what is most important. I feel exactly like C.S. Lewis in Surprised By Joy, when he described the sensation of Joy. He was drawn to studying mythology because it gave him a feeling of desire for something faraway and unattainable. In the same way, my own little endeavors of artistic writing, composing music, and scrapbooking...produce a feeling of being close to God through being a co-creator with The Creator. But this sense is only an imitation of knowing God deeply, the highest joy. Lewis said, "I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for Joy."

My prayer and reason for living is to know God, and "become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ." (Ephesians 4:13.) There is this thirst within my heart, to know Christ more when I go to bed every day than I did when I woke up. So it seems that my other harmless pleasures—with which I can pretend to seek God—are merely distractions from praying and studying His Word.

I apologize if this post was rather wandering or vague. I suppose my proposition here is that the only way to true Joy is to take joy in God alone, to make the Word of God my contemplation, my meditation, my object of desire.

11:21 PM  |    |  

Where You Lead Me ; October 7, 2008

Mood: anticipatory
Listening to: "Where You Lead Me" by MercyMe

What is life?
A thousand roads, a thousand ways...
Why am I so afraid to move?
I crossed the line;
I'm stepping out, so come what may.
I give it all, 'cause I'm drawn to You.
As long as my heart is beating...

Where You lead me, I will follow.
Where You lead me, I'll give my life away.
Where You lead me, I will follow.
Forever and a day,
Forever and a day.

I can't deny, Your very presence is my life;
And why would I ever turn away?
'Cause deep inside, I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith.
As long as my heart is beating...


This is all I'm dreaming of,
To live completely in Your love...

So this is life;

[Chorus x2]

In the midst of this madness that is the college search process, I know that nothing will do me good until my faith is completely in Him.

"Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand." Isaiah 14:24

11:16 PM  |    |  

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